Control The Environment, Not People

Control the environment, not the child. No matter how often we hear that control is an illusion, high control individuals continue to perfect their craft at the expense of another’s free will. People will respond better when their cooperation is solicited and they have input into a decision making process. Children that help create family rules can’t complain when they break one that they helped to create. It's easier to provide tools such as timers and schedulers than to constantly complain about the impairment when it shows up as tardiness, oversleeping, or other delaying behaviors.

Discernment, Not Judgment

Use discernment. Discernment is different from judgment. Discernment is the ability to see what is not readily visible to the average mind and it involves accuracy of viewpoint based on evidence or facts. Judgement, on the other hand, fails to appreciate the nuance and subtlety of individual differences and leans toward rejection of others based on instanti mpressions. Developmental delays come with the territory. These delays are not character flaws or moral failing—they are simply biologically driven realities. Impulsivity, forgetfulness, tardiness, and sleep difficulties are not intentional; they are part of the condition.

Do You Want To Know A Secret?

Listen. Listen. Listen. Learn to discern the hurt behind the anger. Anger is a secondary emotion. When anger occurs it is because the person experienced an unpleasant, painful, or threatening event. ADHDer’s are sensitive, even if it doesn’t appear that they are (they mask their true feelings very well). Humiliation and shame and criticism are such a part of their inner self-talk that they don’t need to hear it from others. When hurt feelings occur and anger is the response, focus on the hurt behind the wall of anger.

Insomnia Impacts Performance

Pay careful attention to diet and sleep needs. The ideal diet for AD/HD is high quality protein and complex carbohydrates. Food is medicine. We literally are what we eat. The human brain is a protein factory and it requires a large amount of protein to function properly. Diet and nutrition is important for all of us but especially for those individuals with neurologically based disorders.

Nutrition is critical for optimal functioning. Evidence based studies connecting diet to behavioral functioning is a rapidly burgeoning field. According to experts, breakfast and lunch should contain 60% protein and 40% complex carbohydrates. Dinnertime allows for a greater intake of carbohydrates, but some protein should be consumed. Water is the best drink. Water is what the body needs and wants. Diet is the cornerstone of a healthy life.

Poor diet increases irritability, distractibility and mood. Like adequate nutrition, adequate sleep is critical to human functioning. Insomnia affects behavior and performance. Sleepiness, exhaustion, and fatigue exacerbate ADHD symptoms. Sleep is critical to overall wellness. Insomnia often accompanies the symptoms of ADHD. No one performs well when he or she is tired. According to John Ratey, M.D., “enough sleep is that amount of sleep it takes for you to wake up without an alarm clock.” Monitor these basic needs carefully.

Collaborative Learning

Collaboration is the key to engaging your child in problem solving. By working with your child in a cooperative way you are modeling positive behavior and providing support at the same time. Be a friendly guide when your child needs your help.

Accounting 101

Hold your child accountable for behavior. Use consequences that teach. Reframe
negative behavior in a positive way. People are responsible for their behavior. Behavior has consequences. Rearing your child to be respectful, honest, dependable, and ethical has its roots in holding them accountable for his or her actions. ADHD is not an excuse for inappropriate behavior.

There Are More Ways Than One

Teach compensatory skills. Punishing an AD/HD youth for skills they lack is punitive, not instructive. If a child has difficulty with fractions, invite them into the kitchen to bake a cake or other treat. Practical, hands-on
experience often clarifies abstract concepts. Ask your child to extend her hands. Ask her to look for the letter ‘L.’ Show her that the hand that makes the letter ‘L’ is her left hand. Left begins with the letter ‘L.’

School Success Through Monitoring

Monitor school achievement and seek accommodations to foster academic success. Your child’s teachers are your powerful partners in your efforts to help your child meet academic success. Early alerts provide ample time to make changes or implement a different kind of support system. Adjust medications if necessary to help your child improve his or her focus.

A Gentle Word

Avoid harsh interactions, harsh punishment, and hostile interaction. Focus on what you can change and be reasonable in providing a consequence for inappropriate behavior. Inner dialogue is powerful. Negative inner dialogue can be extremely harsh. When addressing a behavior that needs change or improvement consider carefully about how to present the information. Difficult and awkward messages can be delivered with kindness and tact. ADHD individuals, like everyone
else, want to do their best but their intentions are sometimes derailed by
distraction. It isn’t necessary or helpful to attack behavior in an angry mode; in fact it is destructive. Hostility freezes attitudes and forward movement. Courtesy and respect advance agendas. Positive human contact is essential.

Accent The Positive

Positive comments and rewards for good behavior and noticing good choices pays off. Look for the best and you'll find it. Energize these behaviors! It is human nature to gravitate toward people who are naturally upbeat, positive, and happy. Because ADHD has a strong connection to low self-esteem and sometimes depression, having someone frame your experience in a positive way helps with self-esteem and self-motivation. Acknowledgement of the positive efforts that were done well creates the motivation to move forward and keep trying to master a new skill, concept, or simply stay on task.