Stevan Toombs Jr. Expert Guru

In 1999, after transferring from the University of Louisville to Hanover College then back to the University of Louisville and changing my major, I "finally" graduated with a B.S. in Sociology. I spent the next six plus years working as a case manager and counselor with organizations in Florida, Missouri, Indiana, and Kentucky with a clientèle ranging from opiate/opioid addicts to gang members. After returning to Louisville in late 2002, I decided I wanted to take a break from social services. Over the last 4 years, I built an Internet business with a friend of mine, worked as a free-lance writer for a newspaper, and started a book, which I hope to have completed soon. I also did a bit of traveling, visiting 10 states during a 3 month trip out West. Although I enjoy working with and helping people, my true passion is writing. This opportunity serendipitously allows me to do both, and I look forward to it.

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The Writing Process

Writing a story, book, or poem is like getting in a car with a full tank of gas and only a vague idea of where you are going. Along the way you encounter side roads that lead you in directions you never anticipated. This is part of the adventure, but if you are not careful you can get lost. Here are a few ideas to keep you focused:

1) It doesn't have to be perfect. Put it down on the paper and worry about "fixing" it later.
2) Don’t press. You cannot force things. Writing is a process that takes time. If you are working on a book or lengthy project don't set unrealistic deadlines.
3) Learn from the process. Art is about your heart and mind working in unison. When we are creating, we are the most human.
4) Don’t get discouraged. If you are working on a novel, there will be times when you want to simply give up. Stop what you are doing and take a break. You may need to take a break for several days or longer. Writing takes time and dedication, and sometimes it takes courage. If you are looking to be published you are putting yourself out there for others to see. Don't let fear or frustration derail you.
5) Don’t let it consume you. When writing, it is easy to lose track of time, and our lives. Don't forget you have a life outside writing. History is filled with "crazy" artists, don't become one of them.

Writing is an experience to be enjoyed, not something to dread. Enjoy the ride, explore, but keep focused on where you really want to go.

Depression; The Silent Killer

When people think of "Depression" they imagine a person totally overcome with despair. And although this is often the end result of severe Depression, Depression is not always so noticeable or acute. Depression can be subtle, and linger without incapacitating a person. Maybe for them the skies are always just a little bit gray.

Depression can last for weeks, months or even years, and cannot be “willed” or “wished” away. Being aware of the signs, and potential triggers for Depression is key to getting a proper diagnosis.

Potential Triggers:

1) Does your family or the family of the person you love have a history of Depression?
2) Did you or your loved one recently go through a traumatic experience? (Major illness, loss of a loved one, a dramatic change in your life such as divorce or loss of a job, pregnancy or other hormonal changes).
3) Do you or your loved struggle with low self-esteem and/or negative feelings about life in general?
4) Is there a history of other mental illnesses in the family?

Warning Signs of Depression:

1) Chronic feelings of sadness, hopelessness or helplessness
2) Sudden appetite changes; eating more or hardly at all
3) Insomnia or oversleeping
4) Thoughts of suicide/death
5) Loss of enjoyment in pleasurable activities
6) Irritability
7) Persistent physical problems that don't respond to treatment
8) Decreased energy, difficulty concentrating

Being alert to the potential triggers and signs of depression is key to successful treatment. The earlier Depression is diagnosed the better the outcome, and the better the chances are for a speedy recovery.

It's Not Hopeless; Depression Can Be Successfully Treated

One of the most difficult aspects in dealing with Depression is overcoming the belief that "things will never get any better". People who are Depressed feel hopeless/helpless often thinking there is no use in trying because they are "fated" to be that way. Nothing can be further from the truth.

The first key in treating Depression is admitting a problem exists and that you need help. Many people who are Depressed feel as though there is something "wrong" with them; this is both true and untrue. There is something wrong; you are Depressed, but there is nothing "wrong" with you as a person.

At any given time, up to 10% of the population is struggling with Depression. In other words, you are not an "alien" nor are you alone. Depression is a disease like any other disease and just like Cancer, Heart Disease etc no one is immune. Don't let your fear of sounding "crazy" prevent you from seeking help. Not getting help is the only thing that "crazy".

Our understanding and treatment of Depression advances with each passing year. The new anti-depressants are more effective than ever with fewer negative side effects. And when coupled with some kind of therapy (either group or individual) the chances for recovery are greatly improved. The key is seeking help.

Remember, you are not alone. There are numerous resources out there at your disposal. Both State and Local agencies are happy to provide referrals to organizations that are waiting to help. There are also many services for people with limited financial means. The most important thing is believing things can and will get better, and then doing something to make that happen.

Working at Home; Don't Rush In

Today, more and more people are looking to work from home. The benefits are numerous; setting your own hours, no "boss", the challenge, more time to spend with family/friends, a chance to make "tons" of money without working your way up the "ladder" etc, but there are also risks and potential roadblocks.

The first thing you need to do when starting your "at-Home Business”, is find something that interests you. Choose something that is not only profitable, but something you will enjoy. One of the downfalls of not having a "boss" is that no one is there to make sure you finished your work. If you choose something only to make a "ton" of money, chances are your follow through will be lacking. So, find something you like.

Second, decide how much time and effort you are willing to invest in your business. Are you only looking for a second income or are you interested in really putting your nose to the grindstone? If you are only interested in part-time work, don’t get involved in a business that will require you to work 10-12 hours per day.

Third, after finding a product or field that excites you and you know how much time you are willing to spend, RESEARCH! Is there a market for your product? Is the field you chose growing, stagnating, or even profitable? Do you have the skill(s) necessary to be successful, and if not are you willing to learn them? Passion is great, but passion alone doesn’t put food on the table.

Fourth, be careful! If you are looking into one of the myriad of offers on the Internet make sure you know what you are doing. There are numerous offers out there promising the sky, and it can all be yours for the "Low, Low Price of_______". Some of these “offers” are outright scams so you do your homework. Research the business you are looking into, and find out if the people really make money. A good place to start is with the Better Business Bureau (http://www.bbb.org/).

Starting your own "At-Home Business" is a wonderful opportunity if you take the right steps along the way. Working for yourself, especially if you have success is very rewarding, and not just financially, but rushing through without thinking is a recipe for disaster. Take your time.

The Lure of "Get Rich Quick" Offers

Several years ago, I had the misfortune of going into "business" with one of my friends. He came to me with this "incredible offer", and if we got "in now" we were "guaranteed" to make a "ton of money".

Well, I let the "get rich quick" part of my brain override my "this sounds like it's too good to be true" part because a "ton of money" is A Lot of money! So I wrote out my check for $__.99, and started counting the days until I could start buying that collection of Porsches I've always wanted. But the days soon turned to weeks, the weeks into months and so on and so forth. Long story short, I still don't have that Porsche collection.

"Get Rich Quick" offers are everywhere; television, the Internet, magazines, newspapers etc. They advertise in literally every medium on earth so they must be making money, and they are. Unfortunately, many of them make money primarily by preying on people's desire to "get rich quick" with "little to no work and/or effort". (The only way I know to do that is to have what they call a "Trust Fund").

The reason people say, "If it sounds too good to be true it probably is", is because it's true. Making money with "little to no effort" sounds great, but it rarely if ever happens. Even the people running these scams worked hard creating them.

Obviously not all of these plans are "scams" and some actually do make people money, but be realistic. There's a reason they have "Results not Typical" at the bottom of the television screen when showing "Testimonials". Their results are not "Typical" and that's why they're on television!

If you are looking into one of these offers please, and I cannot stress this enough, do a little Research beforehand. Some of these businesses are legitimate, but some are outright scams. They are not going to tell you which one they are; you have to find out on your own. A great place to start is the Better Business Bureau. (www.BBB.org)

A Few Suggestions to Improve Your Relationship

To say relationships in today's world are difficult is an understatement. Divorce rates continue to skyrocket, and those that don't end in divorce or a break-up are often mired in stress and/or unhappiness.

Below are a few simple things you can do to improve your relationship:

1) Listen. Listening encompasses more than head nods and an occasional "uh huh", or "You don't say?” Listening is not a passive exercise. Listening creates trust and intimacy. If you listen to your partner they feel loved and more comfortable and in return they are more likely to listen to you.

Pay attention to the details. Most people don't reveal intimate things about themselves in grand speeches or confessions; they do it here and there with few words and at often-strange times, don't miss these moments. It's the "little things" we say that often have the most meaning. Don't regret later that you were not paying attention.

2) Make time for one another. People are so busy they forget to make time for those they love. By the end of the day, people are often exhausted and their time with loved ones feels forced or too short. Set aside a day each week or at least once every couple of weeks for each other. Go to a movie or out to dinner or don't make any plans at all and just go with the flow of the day. You chose your partners for a reason and a big part of that reason is because you enjoy spending your time with them.

3) Make time for yourself. Having time for yourself is every bit as important as having time with your partners. Too often in relationships, people lose focus on their own lives. All of us need our own time and space. When people feel not only loved, but that they also have room to move around they are less likely to want out of the relationship or to cheat. Don't forget you both have a lives.

Although no matter what do there's no guarantee you'll walk off into the sunset together, I guarantee following these suggestions will greatly improves your chances.

Dealing with Drug and/or Alcohol Problems with Your Children

One of the mistakes parents often make when they think their child is using drugs and/or alcohol is confronting them with accusations instead of trying to have a conversation.

When people are confronted, often their first response, especially with young people, is to become defensive and to return the attack. The way you approach your child has a great deal of influence on the outcome. If your child feels as though they can trust you and that you're not going to "explode" or "go off" the chance of them being honest increases.

A key to communication is to understand that people open up easier if they feel like it's their choice and they're not being forced. That doesn't mean you allow your child to continue using or you ignore the problem, but giving them a little leeway at the beginning can reap rewards for everyone involved.

Instead of bursting into their room and asking them in an accusing way, try to talk with them about your concerns. Let them know you're concerned they might have a problem and you want them to know you need to talk about it. Remind them you love and support them and that you want to help, but you want them to be honest.

Ultimately, you are the parent and in the end you decide. If your child refuses to be honest or admit they have a problem and you are certain they do then you have to intervene. But by opening the lines of communication you are creating a foundation that may not pay off immediately, but at some point down the road.

Drug and/or alcohol addiction is a scary thing for anyone to face much less an adolescent. If they feel safe, and supported the chances of them admitting their problem, getting help and recovering are far better.

A Few Misconceptions About Vegetarianism

Although studies show that vegetarian diets actually may be healthier for most people because they contain fewer dangerous fats and empty carbohydrates, numerous misconceptions and maybe a little propaganda continue to persist. One of the most persistant misconceptions is thta vegetarian diets don’t contain enough protein.

I can assure you, as a vegetarian for over 14 years, this is simply not the case. There are numerous plant-based sources for protein including: beans, peanuts, rice, whole grains, potatoes, dairy products and even eggs. As you can see, there are numerous ways to obtain protein on a vegetarian diet. The added benefit is that most of these sources do not contain the dangerous fats linked to obesity, heart disease and stroke.

Another misconception is that vegetarian diets are unsatisfying and/or limited. Well, I guess they are limited to some degree because you obviously no longer eat meat, but a vegetarian diet can be very diverse. Many of the foods I eat now I didn’t eat 15 years ago because I never thought or knew about them. In truth, my diet was far more limited when I still ate meat because every meal revolved around beef, chicken or fish. There are literally hundreds and hundreds of types of food, and choosing not to eat four or five of them still leaves you plenty of options.

As for the “unsatisfying” concern, all I can say is that I’m an "eating machine" and I am always full after every meal. The key with vegetarian diets, just as in any diet, is watching out for empty carbohydrates (enriched grains, potatoes, sugars etc). People on any kind of diet feel hungry more often if they eat too many empty carbohydrates. The reason is because simple carbs are rapidly processed and converted to glucose, which causes an insulin spike to counteract the high blood sugar levels; this makes a person feel hungry quicker. As I said, like all diets, you need to watch what you eat.

So don't believe the hype. If you're looking for a natural and satisfying way to cut fat and empty carbohydrates, give vegetarianism a try. You might be surprised.

Writing is a Great Way to Alleviate Stress and to Dig Deeper

Ever have one of those days where you want to strangle your boss? Or you're driving home after an exhausting day and someone cuts you off, and then gives you the old "one finger salute"? Or maybe you are simply a little run down and stressed, but have no way to release it? Try writing it all down.

Writing is a very therapeutic exercise that requires no appointments, therapists, and most importantly no expense. Did your boss upset you today? When you get home, get out a piece of paper or turn on your computer and write down all the things you wish you could say to him/her. I mean really let them have it, and don't hold back. Put down everything that comes into your mind no matter how silly or profane or disconnected it may seem. Don't think, write.

Once you're finished, then go back over what you wrote and think. Sometimes you find that what you started with is not where you ended. For example, it might go like this, "I hate my boss they're a dirty stinking #^$%*#&^*7 and I can't believe they are my boss and I hate my job anyway why do I have to work at that stupid place..." Do you see? Maybe you "hate" your boss because you really hate your job.

Our hearts and minds will tell us what's wrong, but sometimes it cannot be forced. By writing down our feelings in a stream of consciousness, we allow whatever is inside to come out. If you hate your job it doesn't matter who your boss is because you don't want to be there in the first place. Now that you know, you can begin doing something about it.

Writing in a stream of consciousness takes practice, at first you will want to correct yourself as you go or change the way you said something, don't! Spelling, grammar etc are irrelevant, let your mind wander wherever it wants to go. In the end, it will take you where you need to be. Besides, it's not like you're going to show it to anyone, unless of course you want.