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With a very defiant child who refuses to do homework, it may be useful to remember these pointers:
1. Step back. Separate the child's behavior from the child, using thought rather than feelings. Another way to say this is "disengage" from the defiant behavior. (This does not mean ignore it.) Consistency and follow through on consequences still apply, especially in these kinds of circumstance.
2. Choose a powerful incentive that your child will recognize as meaningful. This might be extra time on the computer or a special meal, or attending a function that he or she is looking forward to. Incentives can be phased out when children attend to the school work responsibly.
3. Tie responsibilities to privileges. When the child chooses to do his or her work reliably, they may then expect to participate in activities that interest them.
4. Be clear. Be firm. Do not argue with your children about homework. Make eye contact and tell them calmly that they are responsible for the work.
5. Use a broken record technique to respond to any rebuttal the child may offer. "I hear you. I want you to start your homework now."
6. Make your child responsible for his or her choice. All privileges are suspended until the work is done, even if it takes all day.